Dualism

Finally, I feel there is some headway being made. I'm starting to see just how much of suffering is a simple matter of decision. I always have two choices available to me:

1. Identify with the Mind and allow thoughts and emotions to determine my experience, or
2. Identify with Awareness and allow thoughts and emotions to rise and dissipate on their own, without my involvement.

The concept of "identification" can be confusing because it assumes that there is someone or something who can identify oneself/itself with something else, but I have yet to figure out how to speak about these things without resorting to dualistic language. There is a definite process of identification, though. If I believe myself to be my thoughts and emotions, I live in constant struggle with myself. There is no way to control something that one is identified with. If, on the other hand, I identify with awareness only, and see thoughts and emotions as incidental, I can choose not to become attached to them, and this results in permanent peace.

The only problem is one of forgetfulness, and this is where mindfulness comes in. The focus of daily life becomes the continual remembrance of I AM.

This is where I and another mystic are having a disagreement of sorts. He says that the only reason it is an effort to me is because I'm perceiving it as one. I say that it's an effort because I've lived 44 years from the point of view of my Mind, and sudden enlightenment is apparently rare. In reality (if that word can even be used here), I think we're probably both right. It's an effort for me because, in my reality, 44 years is a long-time habit to break and takes practice. Then again, "reality" is a matter of opinion, and as long as I believe this to be difficult and/or time consuming, it will be.

Can I just decide to be enlightened? Is it as simple as saying, "I AM THAT"? Of course, it must be. But it doesn't change the fact that extricating oneself from the physical universe has always taken effort. Evolution is a process that has been going on for millions of years. That doesn't necessarily mean that quantum leaps in spiritual growth can't happen overnight, but to do so requires a quantum leap in understanding.

Or is it just a matter of decision?

So, today, I'm torn between these two choices while simultaneously understanding that it's my Mind that's torn, not me. I can see how such a quandary has given rise to the Binary Soul Doctrine -- it does sometimes feel as though there are two of me!