Uncovering the Evil Within

Since I've been able to get completely off the pain patches (fentanyl 25mcg), I thought I'd attempt getting off of some of the other chemicals. I figured I'd attempt caffeine and kratom, but that's apparently a bad idea. At least not at the same time.

The main "reason" I use caffeine is to battle fatigue. I've quit a few times in my life, so I know that other than the headache it's not too terribly bad. The kratom, on the other hand, is used for both fatigue, depression, and fibromyalgia. Maybe that's too big a task right now. The depression scares the hell outa me.

Knowledge is not always a saving grace. I know that emotional reactions are simply electrical discharges based on previously learned patterns, either from one's parents or others who were around us as children (Michael Brown claims in The Prescence Process that some of the most powerful reactions are ingrained during the first seven years of life.) That doesn't get rid of them, however. I still have to notice they're there, and try to follow them back to the place I got them. That's the only way to discharge them for good.

So, I know this, but today after trying to cut back on these two drugs, I felt depression creeping up on me, and with it anger. I thought I could handle it! Nope. Not yet. I couldn't seem to detach.

So, I'll just do this a little slower. Caffeine will be the one I focus on for now.